Dreams

I don't dream much.

Or rather, if I do I don't remember many of them.

But last night I had a vivid dream about the Chili's I used to work at. I haven't worked there in over 10 years, but it pops up in my dreams from time to time.

The dreams always have me cooking with the crew I started with. There's Scott who's going to UTSA so he can join the Navy as an officer. Warren is there to supplement his income as a 23 year old slum lord. Dash is sweating in the corner but you can't tell if it's from the heat of the kitchen or from his drinking problem. Dash isn't his real name. They call him Dash because of his thin build. A guy from high school is there. Mike C. will become one of my best friends during my stay. T.O. is from my high school too, but a couple of years older than me.

There they are. I see them with my 20 year old eyes. We all had dreams then. We all were going somewhere. Except for Dash, maybe.

But not last night.

Last night I was at Chili's but it was present day, which is strange because they closed the one I worked at. I was cooking there, but I didn't work there. And the old crew wasn't there either. It was me working with new guys. They were younger. I was the old man. It felt so real. I remember noticing the old floor tiles had been replaced by some stained cement and commenting on the change.

When I woke I felt strange, but good. Like I put something to rest.

The whole thing had a closure feel to it, like they were letting me say goodbye. I guess I needed to say goodbye to that time of my life. I said farewell to the place the last night they were open. A lot of the oldtimers showed up on the last night and shared memories about the place over drinks and laughs. I ordered the last drink out of that place, then stole some things to remind me of the good times and better people.

I'm not the boy that started working there in '86. But that's where I grew up. And when I left it was a different place.

You can't go back to stay, but you can visit.